Time’s Up on the good guys?

Time’s Up on harassment and inequality. Those words echo’d loudly during the Oscar’s this year and prompted a conversation between my husband and I that I can’t stop thinking about.

#metoo

I identified all too well with the #metoo movement. As a college student interning at a local country radio station, I was sexually harassed. I reported it, followed all the correct protocols and was ultimately told by the executives of the radio station that I needed to suck it up and get used to it because it was a “boys club”. That incident turned me away from my dream of becoming a sports broadcaster – something I had wanted my entire life. And that wasn’t the last incident throughout my career.

So, when we started talking about the Time’s Up movement, it’s understandable that I get a little passionate. What I didn’t expect was seeing this movement through my husband’s eyes.

What about the good guys?

I married one of the good guys. In fact, he’s pretty amazing. He’s a true partner and treats me with so much respect and unconditional love. He’s an amazing father to our two young daughters. Around the house, he does all the heavy lifting and folds countless loads of laundry. It’s understandable that he could feel a little on the defensive. I know my place in the Time’s Up movement, as a woman, a mother, an entrepreneur but what about the good guys? Where is their place in all this?

Moving the movement

I identify as an ally for gay rights. Love is love. It’s simple. This feels so much more complicated but I believe there is a place for the guys who have our back. It’s important that their voices are heard because they’re the ones doing it right. How do we, as women, looking to take our activism and turn it into action, include the good guys on this journey? I don’t know if there is a right answer to this but I think it’s important that we bring them along.

 

9 thoughts on “Time’s Up on the good guys?

  1. Wonderful points. I married one of the good guys too, 31 years ago.
    He’s extremely giving, loving and would never do anything to harm someone . Neat idea to remember the lovely men too.

  2. I think the good guys’ place in this is similar to white people’s role in conversations about racism. 1) Listen to people from the group in question (women, people of color, etc.) share their experiences. 2) Ask questions in a respectful way to try to understand what it’s like to people in the group in question. 3) Ask how they can help. That may include calling BS when something happens (in the case of #MeToo, maybe it’s speaking up when a bro says something sexist), learning more about the issue by attending an event or talking to more people, raising children to not display that behavior (in the case of #MeToo, I’d especially point out that means raising good boys, not just teaching girls to be strong or feisty).

    I am married to a good guy, too, but I feel like I see many men say “But I’ve never raped anyone! I don’t assault people!” To me, that’s a minimum. I’m more interested in how they deal with smaller but frequent things, like catcalling or sexist remarks or casual misogyny.

  3. This is a great discussion point. I have a good guy, too! He will fight for all women, not just me or family members, and I love him for it. We need to find a way to include them. Being the good guys that they are, I know they would be excited to have another way to be supportive!

  4. I really liked how honest and open you are. It makes me sad that this boys will be boys mentality is still going on. I’m hopeful that because of brave woman like yourself hopefully my daughter will never have to experience such abuse.
    Angela

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